"if you had a friend who spoke to you in the same way you sometimes speak to yourself, how long would you allow that person to be your friend?"
"Nothing kills you like your mind"
"The devil doesn’t come dressed in a red cape and pointy horns. He comes as everything you’ve ever wished for."
"Last night he commented that he’s never seen me wear a pair of jeans.
and I mentioned that I don’t own any.
and in that moment I realized this was the first of the small things that would reveal my eating disorder with a certain, tangible clarity.
I can talk about it all until I’m blue in the face and I can answer all of his questions and it will be… just… words, a lip-service.
but it is the absence of jeans, the fact that I haven’t owned a pair in going on four years that will reveal what I cannot–that will give way to his first glimmer of understanding.
but it is not understanding of the disease so much as the understanding that he will never understand.
and this is the understanding I fear.
because today it is a pair of jeans. and tomorrow it is the absence of photos in the family album. and from there… well, from there… I just don’t know."
"He turned me into an object and I turned him into a god. How sick is that?"
"Soon madness has worn you down. It’s easier to do what it says than argue. In this way, it takes over your mind. You no longer know where it ends and you begin. You believe anything it says. You do what it tells you, no matter how extreme or absurd. If it says you’re worthless, you agree. You plead for it to stop. You promise to behave. You are on your knees before it, and it laughs."
"Not that I want to be a god or a hero. Just to change into a tree, grow for ages, not hurt anyone."